This has been a very crazy year for me. As soon as it began I wanted it to be over, It started out very challenging and hard, full of questions, uncertainties and doubts. But it's funny how when all is lost and you are faced with some of the most unexpected things, how somehow you find yourself, in a way that you never saw before. You learn, you strive, and honestly you sometimes suprise yourself. I spent some time lost, confused, and with lack of faith, then found things in myself that I forgot was there, I acheived things that I forgot I was capable of, and I learned a little more about myself and my life.
And then things became clear, and while that aspect became easier, a lot of other things became harder. But I learned that it is okay, We sometimes have to endure difficult things to have what we want, and it takes pain, sweat, and hardwork, but if you want it, you can have it.
I've learned that I can take one hell of a hit, and that we may get blindsided and knocked down by life, while it takes us a second to regain our balance, what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger and as sure as we were all put here for a reason, we can stand up and take one step at a time.
Life is hard, and the hardest thing about it is love. My heart has been broken, taped back together, and then put to the test this year. I've learned a lot about unconditional love, the kind of love that can withstand some mighty blows, but finds a way to remain. We all have our short comings, life challenges us, and at one point or another, we fail. That love is tested, and even if we go through other emotions such as pain, anger, betrayal, hatred, pitty, loneliness... when you come out of the dark tunnel, and you still have love, and your both still standing, well then I guess you have all that matters.
I've learned that people will not have a clue about something, but yet still have an opinion. They will feel that they know, and feel that they have a place to speak on things that they are pretty much oblivious to, and that's fine, because just like they are uneducated conclusions, they have no weight where it counts and don't really matter at all. The people that have listened and been confided in will no the facts, and in those special individuals you will see no judgment or sentiment in
their eyes, but all that you need... which is support.
I've learned that there is a lot of ugly in the world, there are people that judge others and make others feel less than worthy, they steriotype, protest, and harbor hatred, because of either race, religion, or who they choose to love. Weather your opinion is supported by the bible, the news, or your own personal self righteousnes, you will find that if you spend a little less time worrying about what everyone else is doing, maybe you would be able to focus on your own imperfections and find more
happiness in your own life. There are bad people in all shapes colors and forms, and everyone will be judged at their own time for their decisions in life, and no one else on this earth is qualified to make that judgment.
I've learned alot about forgiveness this year, I've learned that finding forgiveness is hard, but the most benefitial thing in your life. We have all been done wrong,
we all have many reasons to be hurt, angry, and hold a grudge. Forgiveness doesn't mean that it just goes away, or that it hurts any less, I have found that forgiveness is learning to accept the things that have happened and that can not be changed, not giving that negativity any power in your life anymore, and moving forward. Doesn't mean that it never happened or that you forget, but that it doesn't effect your decisions, the way you feel, or the way you love. It's just freeing yourself of the negative effect and leaving with the knowledge and lesson learned.
Revenge is a waste, the best revenge is not with retaliation... But with the fact that someone tried to fuck with you, and it didn't even phase you... Being happy
and still having everything you need leaves more of a bad taste in someones mouth, than you aknowledging their efforts and giving them the time of day.
This year was the hardest one yet, but now that I have reached the end of it I see all that I have gotten from it. I was tested and I am stronger because of it, my marriage and family was tested and it is stronger now because of it.
I was faced with another deployment this year, and while they don't get easier, there is always room to become stronger.
I have so much pride in my heart for what my husband does for his family and the sacrifices he makes for this country. I hope that after this year, he knows how proud
and happy he has made me. Our road hasn't been an easy one, but my heart is so full of love at times that it makes my chest tingle, I can still talk to him for hours and hours at a time, and there is no one in this world that I am more myself with and that knows me better than this man. He has my heart, and he's the only one that I will ever trust with it.
I landed my dream job this year! I inquired on it lightly, and got a suprise when it all fell into place. I begin teaching dance this January, and I am so excited to be doing something that I truly love and have a passion for. It will not only be an outlet for me, and an opportunity for me to do something that I haven't been able to do for the past 6 years, but it will bring me work that I can have happiness and joy in. I am nervous, anxious, excited, and most of all, happy.
A year that started out awful, got better, then worse, and then finaly to a wonderful place. It was challenging and stressful, but the ultimate reward is at the end feeling satisfied, happy,and at peace.
I have 2 little boys that are my world, they are hard work, and know how to drive me crazy, but the joy that they have brought me seems to make the rest fade away. I have the constent job as a mother and army wife, and that is the most important job I could ever have.
This next year will bring opportunities, continuous joy, and more changes... we have one more year left in the military, and that might be the end of that chapter. And we're hoping to start a new chapter that doesn't involve any more goodbyes. But with anything, especially things in the military, there are still decisions to make and a lot between then and now. There will be much to do this year, much to celebrate, much to be thankful for, and I just hope that I continue to remember that through it all. Aside from a couple resolutions, most of all I just want to enjoy this next year. Enjoy the little moments and take none of it for granted.
I feel healthy, content, happy, and loved... I don't think there is much more I could ask for from this year.
