I am officially convinced that marriage is a giant work in progress... It is never perfect and the job is never done. There are times when you are so in love that you would shout it from the roof tops if you could... and then there's times when you just want your spouse to leave you the heck alone! It's so very hard, between children, housework, demanding work schedules, bills and finances and then whatever other random BS life throws on your plate it's very hard to steal the quality time, to take a breath and not be short tempered and irritable.
It was recently proven to me that life does in fact have dissapointments, and those heartbreaks are sometimes from the ones you trust the most. In one moment everything you know and everything that you've built can be pulled out from beneath you, put into a blender set on puree, and then handed back to you like "Tada!" and you're just like... "dude, WTF just happened?!" Then you get to learn some things about yourself, you get to build your self worth, you get to think about things that you have overlooked for years, you find out what you're truly capable of under pressure and hard times, and you absolutely amaze yourself.
So then you are asked with the question, what is worth more than time and pain? what is worth going back on things you may have sworn to in the past? The commitment and relationship that you vowed to stand strong by till your death... Thats when you pick up your mish-mashed life and you throw it in the mixer again, taking all of the lessons that you've learned and trauma you've overcome and you decide to push forward... completely based on faith... faith is believing in more than you know, more than what you've seen and been through. Believing that when there is faiure, lies, and heartbreak... that if you want it bad enough and you feel it in your soul, that you can have trust, love and happiness.
I believe that people make mistakes, I believe that there is weakness and deceite in the world... but it only has as much power as you give it. And that ugliness has no power in my life anymore.
It is a constent battle, you try not to be nieve to the truth, you have to have acceptance and forgivness. And it is a whole series of fears, fear of what has happened, fear of what you will never know, and fear of the future. What's amazing though is that under all of these emotions and fears and complication... there is one constant... LOVE.
When you buy a car, you sign the papers, get the keys... Is the process then done? Far from it, you must keep up on oil changes, engine repairs, new tires, car washes, constent constent maintenance... If you don't keep up on these things, your car will breakdown... as will your relationship without the proper attention and maintenance. YES lmao, I just compared marriage to a car :)
It's hard, there will always be obstacles to overcome, hardships that you must make it through, life changes that will challenge you and push you to the max, But when you are sitting by this person that you have been to hell and back with, and seen the impossible with, broken eachother's hearts and then put them back together... and you still sit together on a couch both wanting the same thing, still in love, and you still have the fight... than who's to say that anything is impossible.
